Don't tell me not to panic.

 Don't tell me not to panic

I've told myself a thousand times to take a deep breath

A million heartbeats in the darkness of a blink, 

With impossible thoughts wrapped around my windpipe. 

Don't tell me not to panic

By the time you see my tap tap tapping fingers, 

the shredded remnants of my composure scatter

into the hurricane of thoughts yelling I've lost. 

Don't tell me not to panic

I dread the emptiness that unfurls as the fear fades.

Drained, drawn further in, I curl within myself, 

a nautilus of silence, waiting for the next cacophony.

__

I can't sleep, so I tried to explain what a panic attack felt like.

Poem speed round 6.04

I wish I were better than this.

The drips of mist on my windshield turn to constellation
As the morning sun escapes the horizon.
I wish it hadn't come to this
I wish I was better than this
My fingers drum the steering wheel
As erratic as my breathing
As dissonant as my head and heart
Every stop sign whispers to me
every text frays my nerves a little more
I wish it hadn't come to this
I wish I were better than this
My thoughts wander lost in the valley of doubt
My heart adrift in a prison of my own making
Did I shape this path we found ourselves on
Did you take the wheel and I forget to try
I wish it hadn't come to this

******
Maybe I'll try to do some speed poems throughout June. Maybe I won't sing the poor decision procrastination song of my people.